Sometimes I get bouts of loneliness, although it is getting better. I always struggled with it. (Even when I was a kid I remember randomly feeling some emptiness that I could not quite explain and that kinda intensifying in middle and highschool. It climaxed last year, but I think now it's good. Of course there are the monthly mood swings, but I'm praying for God to take dominion.)
I pray up a storm at church and feel good for the week. Then I go to school and it just comes all over me. I get anxiety. And I know very darn well that I prayed and spent time with God this morning (which included asking for the covering of the blood ,the armour of the Spirit and dying to self). The reason why I am so confused is that those in the world are suppose to feel like this right, well I'm not in the world and I still feel it LOL. Of course there is spiritual warfare. Satan wants to steal, kill and destroy. He is always roaming waiting for his opportunity to pounce...Focus. Focus. Yet, I can’t help shake off the lonely feeling as I go on the bus. I tell myself to cleave onto Jesus. I meet some friends later on and randomly talk about God (thanks Holy Spirit). I didn’t go into detail but the typical “you’re name is Habiba and you're Christian”, which sparked some interest since they were muslim. Yup. We engage in nice conversation, but I can’t help but feel that I don’t fit in while talking to them. Hopefully, I will encounter her again to share the gospel. I go home feeling defeated (what battle I loss is beyond me). Then I try to find some positive scripture “I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper” I’ll take that. Although my spirit doesn’t resonate with that I need to keep praying ,trusting and believing that one day it will all make sense. Anyways, time to blast some worship music and commence stu-dying for midterms that I 've procrastinated on. Lord have mercy on my soul and may reading week come ever swiftly and valentine's day go ever quickly.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. ISAIAH 43:2