Yes, God wants us to save multitudes or heal the sick and be nice. However, the most important thing is to have intimacy with God. All of these can be dead works, if we are not pursuing God on a regular basis. In my life, when I neglect to seek God, things don't go the way I intended. I start operating in my own strength. You can't serve a saviour you don't know.
I do acknowledge spiritual warfare. I have been experiencing a lot of it lately. Confusing thoughts, fear. memory lapse ( I kid you not i notice I have been forgetting things and my mind blanking out sometimes) and anxiety especially when I am trying to move forward with God. Like really lay my life down for the furtherance of the gospel. Often, I get discouraged and I'm like " I did not sign up for harassment, I'd much rather be comfortable. God, why are you letting me be tormented like this , I'm trying. And I know the devil doesn't like that. But can this happen less?". So I get angry with God and don't talk to him. Haha, I feel like a petty child sometimes. And then I start thinking who needs God I seem to be doing pretty fine. I have some friends, maybe worldly, but they're still somewhat decent. I don't need God.
And that's where one can become prideful and a hardness of heart occurs. Thankfully, God loves me too much to allow me to go astray. I kid you not when I know I'm not doing what God wants I can feel the Holy Spirit just prompting me to talk to God. "That means humility and no God I'm really upset with you.I don't want to Holy Spirit, God wasn't there when I needed him and he left me hanging, that is sooo not cool. " Ignore the message. I try to sleep and the Holy Spirit is like what if you die without God. And I don't know maybe I think I'm Chuck Norris but I'm like , "well I will figure it out." But I don't know something happens (perhaps I actually use my noggin) . Eventually, I realize the necessity of God and crawl back to Him. "God, you know I was kidding about all the stuff I said we still be homies, no seriously God, sorry for being bitter". It's not always like that, but I sense because God wants to really do a work in my life the devil really doesn't want that to happen. And I feel like I'm in the middle of a tug of a war. It doesn't help that I am being put in more uncomfortable positions to glorify God and I'm like can we just slow down a bit. I need to breathe.
I realized I need to always be humble and ask for prayer when I feel stuck in the mud. I know I get embarrassed asking Sis Deb for yet another prayer request, but the Word says there's no condemnation. Daniel prayed 3 times a day. Paul said pray without ceasing. The list goes on and on.
Prayer and the Word at first can seem intimidating and perhaps even boring. When we watch shows that show people jumping off cars and people showing off their jiu-jitsu, prayer and quiet time can seem unfulfilling in contrast to that. I used to struggle with other thoughts when praying, like food and surfing. You name it I probably thought of it. If you can't pray an hour at first, start with 30 minutes and gradually build your way up. Make a fixed time for prayer to happen, rather than just letting it happen. Have an accountability partner. Set your mind on the higher things rather than the world so quiet time can seem more exciting. Trust me, when we are not filled with the junk of the world everything heavenly seems more appealing. Spice things up, Go for a walk (ideally some where with pretty flowers) admire flowers and talk to God. Go to a coffee shop and just journal and talk to God. God is flexible and does not limit us to the confines of our room.
Just today I was having a talk with the senior pastor's wife. The wife mentioned whenever her mom had a problem she would just lock herself in her prayer room and pray. She would come out of the room with joy. God wants that for you and me. To be willing to come to him with every problem. When I lose things I pray to God to show me or bring it back. When I do assignments I pray for God's guidance. Before work sometimes I pray for wisdom, guidance and peace. He wants that, that dependency. There is nothing that we can't talk to God about.
It's just a matter of whether we are willing to make the time. We can get so busy for God that we forget God. I am not saying it's wrong to reach out be a part of a group and do various activities for God. But we should always strive to seek God first. The path is getting narrower and we can't just do what we want anymore. I'm thankful to be learning that.
Needless to say, some of my news years resolutions have not been the way I wanted it to be. It was initially good, but some warfare and lack of zeal caused me to not follow through. But I'm not giving up. I'm also grateful that God has given me opportunities to share with people in the midst of this. Please pray that these people would be open to the Lord.